My Brain

is exploding;

Chips + dips.
Packets
maps
dancing
insects
toothbrush
ceiling
castles
scissors
breathbreathbreath
fences
hairdye
haircut
9
9
9
9
9
cows
chain
music makes you lose control.
friends
post-its
medication
flags
clouds
misery
crashing down
buildings
skylines
childhood
glowsticks
it's not so bad afterall


I can't explain these last two weeks
i just love you.



Listening to: my thoughts
Name drop: Ashton Kutcher
xo

Beneath

all the numbers and figures and formulas is a small town girl with ambitions of big city dreams.

For the first time in a while, I tuned into the news to discover hope. In amongst all the bad news that could depress even Mr. Happy, that one news report stuck out. I know that American politics has little to do with me being English, and I won't make a change in their government but the fact that a pratical nation has hope in this one person is... unbelievable really. I get it, not everybody is for Barack Obama, and if they were there wouldn't be a need for elections. It just made me feel a bit of hope that under all of these pages of math that I don't understand, there is a hope that I come out on top.

I just think that my brain has exploded and i'm bursting out math.



Listening to: -
Name drop: Chad Michael Murray

For that girl

who I have the honour of calling my best friend (:

I don't have a fancy pen and a notebook to write down words, and even if I did I wouldn't know what to put. I'd probably be fasinated by the pen and start writing about that. I can't pull the moon from the sky or catch the stars in my hands, and I can't paint a picture with a rainbow. I wish I could part the seas and have the swans sing to you. I wish I could give you every flower in the world to prove to you how beautiful you make my life, but then what would be left for the beauty in life? I can't take you to all these places in those books and I can't make the sunshine any brighter. But there is a place in my imagination and there it's perfect, where the only sound is laughter and the only feeling is love. Where we can sit by the seaside listening to Jimmy Robbins and Backseat Goodbye on repeat all night and warm by a campfire. We'd never have to leave because we wouldn't want to. The planes overhead would leave behind a package of warm feeling and joyment. I'd wrap you around in a blanket of my feelings and thoughts of happiness and that would be the only load on your shoulders you would ever need. The blanket is blue in case you're wondering. We could eat ice lollies in the day and warm up with hot chocolate at night and nothing would be out of place. Instead of any new mp3 or ipod in our pockets we'd have mix tapes we made over the years and play them daily.

On a canvas so white and new, I'd paint you what I see when I think about you and the things you've done for me. The beautiful night sky would dominate the page dotted with bright yellow stars and a rainbow would burst out of the darkness filled to the brim with clear happiness. And under a low mist of cloud, I'd paint two figures and only two. They'd be laying there simply star gazing and enjoying life. That would be me and you, enjoying the simple things in life. That's what you do, you make me appreciate the small things.

"my name is Coist and I'm your biggest fan" (:



Listening to: Anyone Else But You - Jake Germany
Name Drop: Rebekah Phillips (:
xo

Lies

lieslieslies should be written in a speechbubble coming out of your mouth. That's all I hear from you, is pure lies.

Stop strutting about the place, thinking everyone cares for poor little you. I couldn't IMAGINE the pain you're going through, it's quite clear to you that this doesn't happen to anyone else other then you. Let's escelate things to the maximum? Honey, there's a time and way to do that and you're failing miserably. Tape up your mouth, padlock it and throw away the key, coz you aint welcome in my life. I have no time for bullsh!tters.

As to anyone else to believe these lies that are pouring out of their mouth, I hope you gain your memory and hearts back.



Listening to: Black Dahlia - Hollywood Undead (yeh, i listen to them ALOT)
Name Drop: Craig Thomson, you make me sad D:

xo

let's get

out of here and go to a place where noone can do us harm. Pain won't be allowed and heartbreak is against the law. We'll bleed out rainbows and our tears will create a ladder to the skies, where we can look down on our world and laugh til we sleep in the clouds. The Sun will wake us up with a good morning and the moon will be just as beautiful with a good night, but both know they can't compare to your smile or eyes. The sound of your voice will sing a song we can dance to and throw away our cares into a recycle bin where they can become a dream.

I have friends that tear at me, wanting and begging for me to be somebody different to breakfree of this fake skin I'm in and maybe one day I will but for now we'll whistle a innocent tune to remind us of better days and days that have yet to come. The future is bright and anything before we arrive doesn't exist. I am not me, and you are not you but we are us, and together we are happy. We can fly through the air leaving stars behind us so we can gaze at night and thinking 'we created something beautiful' right before we fall asleep, smiles across faces.
Blinking won't be allowed so then I can't miss a single moment with you. I'll buy you and me a one way ticket and we'll never have to return. We can live like this forever



Listening to: Everywhere I go - Hollywood Undead
xo

Just had

possibly the best conversation with Beaks ever, and I totally did her a bedtime story which goes something like this...


there was once a handsome lord called sean and he was walking through the forests of wales on the back of his noble sheep with his best fran, sir jimmy. They came across a rat and blob and the sheep scared them away. 'so sir jimmy, where to?' asked lord sean, 'i hear a lady awaits in crewe for you lord sean' sir jimmy replied. So off they trotted to crewe to meet lady rebekah. Jimmy instantly fell in love with her but felt bad for lord sean, however lady rebekah had a plan 'back in wales there is a prince waiting for you by the name of sir ian of watkins' and so off lord sean went and they all lived happily ever after

I think it's pretty cool (:



Listening to: Bottle and a Gun - Hollywood Undead
xo

This is a really

long shot, but it's worth a try.

Can you imagine a town?
A small town.
And a hurricane hits and destroys everything in it's path, the town is destroyed and the citizens are stunned mentally. However they find out this hurricane is imaginary, didn't exist but the destroy still does and so does their fragile state
Weird, huh? Sometimes life isn't what it seems. Once you have something figured out something else happens to turn life on it's side.

That long shot? Well here goes...

If you are somewhere out there please come back home, if somehow you can read this then we miss you terribly. Please, there has to be a way to work around this, I...he... we all want to know that you're safe and you don't have to stick around for long. I know you're out there somewhere and I hope you're happy with the life you decided to live, but please check up on me, him, us?

Thank you
xo


Listening to: Mr Brightside - Tommy Reilly

So there's this person

that I know. He feels as if noone notices him anymore, as his 'friends' have isolated him and his family have given up on him. He can't tell his girlfriend anything because he knows how she'd react and that would be the worst thing possible. He can't stand himself sometimes and it kills me knowing that. I don't know why he's told me this, and in a horrid way I wish I didn't know. Alot of things have happened to him and he's said that noone would quite understand how he feels, but that's okay. He's brave sometimes and just goes out there into a world he sees fake and just smiles. I admire his courage sometimes. I wish I knew what to do about him.

I guess I needed to get it out there instead of keeping it to myself, hopefully he won't regret me saying. I hope not, for some reason he finds trust in me.


Listening to: The Diary - Hollywood Undead

xo

In a month

of complete blur, how come you didn't stand out like the star you are?

It seems there's been alot that has happened since we last spoke and you deserve to know everything, so grab a cup of coffee, pull up a seat and lean in.

First of all was him. The biggest tw@ you will ever know of (pardon the name, but he doesn't deserve a real name like the rest of us) and there is no excuse why he even breathes the same air as someone like you, or walks the same earth. He pulled the moves and ruled over me. He blinded me from who I truely needed, and already had. He led the moves, to decide it was nothing and that he'll whore around some other poor lass. Good luck to her. I don't know what it was about him but it hurt more then any other time some guy had done this to me. It hurt me, and it had been a long time since I've been like that especially over some TW@. Then I learnt he was going to be in the same place as I was, and I wasn't happy. Infact I was full of anger in his direction, and on the day I felt sick and twisted that I just couldn't handle it. I was overreacting, it turned out more okay then I thought, but it was still horrid.
But then somebody entered into my life again. Okay so without going into detail who he is basically he's a friend of another dxckhead. When we first met over half a year ago, I was into him like crazy I just never made anything of it. It was later into the night, that TW@ was staring at me, not just casually looking over at me but full on staring with his friends. I ignored him and some obvious comments he was making about me, until this other guy made a mock insult so I walked in the same direction as where tw@ was standing. He quickly looked away, but the best site of the night was differently when this other guy hugged me, I managed to look at TW@ and his face was of jealousy and disgust. whatalaugh.

Another low point this past month, you almost lost me. Infact even worse, I almost lost you. Me and my friend were on our way back from a Slipknot concert and had actually survived (you'll find the irony of that in a minute) and we were in the car on the way home driving along Middlewhich Road. As you probably don't know, Middlewhich Road is one of the most dangerous roads in my area with over 100 accidents in the past 3 years. Which is exactly what happened to us, we hit ice and swirved off the road. We did a full flip in the car, and luckily landed up right in a field. No car had been coming the other way, thank god. So, the irony? Me and my friend went to SLIPKNOT and came out unharmed, but crashed on the way back. Some people in this world are only capable of that, and we're 2 of them.

I guess the message in a way is that even though crappy things happen, things do have a brightside. You just have to find that brightside.

Also on the brightside, it was my nearest and dearest Beaky's 16th birthday.

The usual applies, I hope you had a hollywood christmas and an undead new year.