right now

i'm three different people

1) the person people want me to be - She's there to help, and cry to. She'll listen to anything you have to say and will always help out. She's always smiling and laughing and you always expect her to say something for you to laugh at and you always expect her to laugh at what you say. If you cry, you expect her to dry your tears each time. You don't ever expect her to have problems herself, as she's there to sort out your problems each times. She knows the answer to every situation you are in. She's never upset and she always looks on the sunny side of a downpour. She isn't scared of anything, and never has fears. She's perfect.

2) the person i actually am - i have a lot more problems then people expect me to have, and i don't have the answers all the time. I get scared about a lot of things and I worry too much. I don't always smile and i don't always want to laugh, that's just the way it is. I have problems too, and i want someone to cry to. I want help just as much as you do. When I'm the person who listens to everyone, you find it hard to listen to me. I never see the sunny side of a downpour, because i can be very pessimistic it's just who i am.

3) the person i want to be - She's a kind, warm-hearted kind of person. She knows how to handle her problems and the situations she gets in. She knows not to panic at everything, and to balance good from bad instead of letting one negative emotion pull her down. She's very optimistic, but understands it's okay to feel down once in a while. She understands that not everyone is going to be there all the time, without questioning why. She doesn't feel alone, and is comfortable with expressing her emotions to people. She will know the answers and she will help those who need her.

That's why, i'm asking people to please leave me whilst i try to become the person i want to be. I want to be a better person, I want to change. what's wrong with changing for the better?
I'm sorry that this blog isn't very cheery. it's just fact.
It's about time I start taking responsibility


Listening to: What Gets You Through the Night - theAUDITION
Name Drop: -

that's the best thing

i've ever thought.

So it's 10:13 right now and i've had no sleep and i'm really sick which could be because of my new hamster (but hopefully not ]:). I can think it's safe to say that i'm not in the best of moods, but you understand right? I'm not exactly angry or upset or anything, funnily enough i don't get like that after no sleep i just carry on as usual.
But anyway, like I was saying it's rather early in the day which isn't the best of my life. And I'm sat here listening to panic at the disco something that i didn't think i'd be doing. I just don't like them so much anymore. But yes, Northern Downpour is on repeat and i literally was just thinking of how i'm hanging out more with people i only ever saw once in a blue moon. Just made me think how much i actually love my friends and I don't reckon i've told them enough times that they mean everything to me. I don't want this blog to be too cliche, just that i love them and they've made me who i am today for the better. No, I may not have the greatest friends in the entire world and they probably wouldn't battle sea monsters for me, they'd probably take pictures and post them on twitter. Yes, they will embarrass me at every opportunity possible. But they are the greatest people i could ask for, and they make my world.

So anyway, this was just a quick blog to say how much i love you guys, each one of you. Every person i have the honour to call friend and privilege to share memories and inside jokes with. Every person to have ever made me laugh, or laughed with me. You are great. Keep on living.

Name Drop: Sweeney the hamster :D
Listening to: Northern Downpour - Panic at the Disco

I'm so fed up

of everybody asking me if i've heard of 3OH!3 or Hollywood Undead. Or if I've heard their new single, Don't Trust Me or Young.

Tbh, Don't Trust Me isn't a new single for me, nor Young. I have been listening to both bands for about 2 years now and it annoys me that people have to ask if i've heard their new song!

I owned the Hollywood Undead album Swan Songs way before it came out in the UK and even then I was waiting for about a year and half to get it. The same goes for 3OH!3 it just hasn't been released over here. I plan to get that too before it's released here.

So to round it up, yes I have heard Don't Trust Me and Young and any other Hollywood Undead or 3OH!3 song you care to throw my way thinking I haven't heard it. Stop asking me you foolish idiots.

It's not that I don't enjoy their success over here in the UK. I remember just last december asking people if they've heard of Hollywood Undead and they all replied with the same answer 'who?'. With HU being one of my favourite bands (losing out to the obvious, Lostprophets) there is nothing greater seeing a small band progress to the point that they can achieve the media's attention over here in the UK. Especially to the point another of my favourite bands, The Blackout, can take them on tour meaning I got the chance to see them live which yes, made my life. The same goes for 3OH!3. I couldn't be happier that they have both achieved success in the UK.

The thing that annoys me is that people love them now because they're becoming a big band, yet they didn't listen to me when I told them to check them out way before the scene. Just because a band isn't big doesn't mean they won't become it one day. Then they suddenly think this band is the greatest in the world. Well where were you when they needed the support? To spread the word about said band?

So now I'm scared to like a band incase they get ruined my teenyboppers over here in the UK. It's happened 3 times now, will it actually ever stop?

Stop asking me you fucking 5-minute fans. I HAVE listened to them. I HAVE been listening to them for a while now. I WILL carry on listening to them.

Name Drop: Charley Merrill

Listening to: Intensity in Ten Cities (Chiodos Cover) - Cameron Kush